Emotions
by Mina Lisly
Summary: This is the story of Clary, the destroyed girl who is out seeking for revenge through death and blood. Nothing will stop her, but maybe someone?
1. Prologue

"I'm sorry."

That's all he told her. Those two ugly words who meant nothing to her. _Especially_ to her, _especially_ from him. He destroyed her. Literally destroyed her. She had trusted him to help her, and he deceived her. And the worst, the worst of it all was that she couldn't remember him. She remembered nothing of him but those two stupid words.

She remembered the pain, the unending excruciating pain as they were all toying with her body, playing with things they should have left buried. She remembered how he repeated again and again those agonizing words. The funny part was that Clary was sure that she wouldn't be able to recognize his voice if she heard it again somewhere.

And that was what infuriated her the most. She couldn't find any of them and make them pay, _especially him_. Why did her mind erased him and not the others? She would have gladly forgotten about them all. Clary took her head in her hands and squeezed it tightly, trying to control her emotions, but she couldn't control anything anymore, she had crossed the ban. And so, shaking of pure anger, she yelled her frustration out.

Thee ground started shaking beneath her, and the dark sky brightened with flashes of lightening. Clary did her best to stop herself, but she wanted justice, she wanted to go back to this dull life she had four years ago. Clary let out a scream louder than the previous ones before letting herself fall on her back as the earth opened up a few feet away from her.

She listened to her breathing evening out as the sky quietly went back to normal. If only she could kill them all. If she could make each one of them suffer before looking at them in the eyes and watching at their lives flickering away. If only she could make them all pay for this sin they made, she would gladly do it.

They took everything from her, and gave her nothing but pain and anger. They stole her from her home, they stole her innocence, they stole her sanity. They stole _her_. She didn't even know who she was anymore. She used to be _Clary_, this fun and friendly college girl who wouldn't hurt a fly.

She used to have the perfect life. She was graduating from her last year of college, she had this perfect high-school sweetheart for boyfriend, she had a future full of dreams with him, she was surrounded by a loving family and loving friends. And then came the darkness.

And with the darkness came the pain, the fear, but never came Death. Many times Clary thought that she died, she _knew_ that she died, but they always brought her back to life. They used her beyond anything humanly bearable, never allowing her to die.

But hope came to her. Hope same when _he_ came to her and helped her get her sanity back. He fixed the broken thing that she was. At this memory blank of a person, Clary clenched her fists very hard, doing her best to keep her temper under control. She felt the earth brew below her and so she clenched her fists harder, her nails cutting open her palms.

That so-called hope was just like the others. But instead of toying with her body, he toyed with her mind until that final day when they ... Until that day when she thought that Hell came to live in her body. He pretended to care for her until the last minute, he even pretended to defend her, but _she_ still ended up on the table. _She_ was still the one who was destroyed in the end.

Little by little, Clary reigned over her emotions and she looked at the stars, wondering what she could do now. She wanted to go see her parents, but she was scared. Maybe they forgot about her. Maybe seeing her would bring too many bad memories for them. And maybe they wouldn't understand her anymore.

As the sky clouded, Clary blinked away her tears and swiftly got up. She looked at the meadow around her to know which direction take, and after checking the sky for clearance, she walked with determined steps toward her parents house. She knew it was going to be a long walk because she had to cross states, but she didn't mind. And after all, it was nothing to her.

She arrived in front of her old house as the sun was rising. But she didn't go to knock on the door, she just blankly stared at it, her heart pounding like crazy as she considered leaving and never coming back. She was so scared of how her parents would react to her living presence.

"Clary?"

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**~.o.O.o.~**

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**I know... Another story. Again. It's just that this had been in my mind for quite a while, so better get rid of it? **

**The other stories won't be left for dead, don't worry. And the rating might (certainly) change at some point. **

**So what do you think of this prologue? And who do you think is calling on Clary? And what do you think of Clary. Well, tell me all. **

**And if anyone is interested in beta-ing, I'm all ears. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.**


	2. Chapter 1 Dark Clouds

She did her best to control her emotions as her brother slowly walked to her. He was in sweatpants and sneakers, his body all sweaty from the jog he must have been in. Which surprised Clary, Jon never liked sports, and even less running. Clary looked attentively at this man that was her brother. He changed so much since the last time she saw him.

His pale blond hair which he always rebelliously wore long were now shaved, his face was hollowed and no longer friendly, his eyes -green just like hers- seemed to withhold only sorrow and pain. She felt so bad for him, so bad that her disappearance affected him so much.

"Is that really you?" He asked not believing that she could actually be in front of him.

Clary nodded and Jon took his sister in his arms, crushing her in a loving and brotherly embrace. Clary blinked away her tears as he tightened his grip around her and after long minutes Jon let go of her but still held her by her shoulders. She could see the ghost of her absence lingering on his face and she immediately felt guilty for it.

Still she didn't say anything because she was struggling to stay calm. Jon carefully looked at her, his eyes lingering on her face more than once before he directed them toward their house. Once he closed the door, he led her to the living-room and sat her on the sofa as she glanced around. Nothing had changed during her absence. It was still the same decorations, the same pictures framed on the walls, the same furnitures. But something seemed dead. Her house used to bring to Clary warmth and comfort, and now she didn't feel it anymore. She didn't feel _home_ anymore.

"Are Mom and Dad still sleeping?" She asked as the house was astonishingly silent.

Jon grimaced and said that he would be back in an instant. Clary watched her brother leave the room, an horrible feeling growing inside of her and then she walked to the window to look at the grey sky darkening. She did her best to remain in control of her emotions as an awful small voice was telling her that she only came back to despair and pain.

She did her best to steady her breathing to the wavering movements of the leaves in the tree standing just in front of her. _In and out_, always inspiring through the nose and expiring though her mouth. Again and again. Even when she heard Jon walking back in the living-room, she kept her gaze on the window, all her attention settled on the motions of the leaves.

"I made you some tea." Jon informed her in her wary voice.

Clary swallowed hard and concentrated all she could on her breathing as Jon slowly walked to her. She could hear the uneven beatings of his heart, the sweat growing on his skin, the way he would swallow as he did his best to not tremble by holding really tight the mug he had in his hands. And finally he was next to her, settling the mug on the window-pan in front of her. Clary didn't make a single move to take it, her eyes still on the leaves as the sky was darkening by the second. _In and out_.

"Clary..." Jon waited for her to turn her gaze to him, but she didn't, so he kept on going: "Where have you been?"

"Where are Mom and Dad?"

She heard his heart skip a beat and she swiftly wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek. She shouldn't make assumptions of things she didn't know. She kept on reminding herself to breath in and out, again and again. But the wind was rising and the leaves weren't of any help anymore so she closed her eyes as her brother finally talked:

"I called Dad, he's on his way."

"From where?"

"Work. He's been pulling work hours a lot lately..."

Jon hesitated, and Clary took it upon herself to finally open her eyes and look at her brother as the sky was now full of black and grumbling clouds. Her green eyes met his, and it seemed to give him the confidence to go further: "He works too much. He hasn't come back home in ten days."

"What about Mom?" Clary asked.

She knew something was wrong with her Mom. Ever since she asked about her, Jon had been doing his best to elude the answer. What happened to her Mom? How bad her disappearance had affected her? She had already ruined her father who was doing his best to forget by drowning himself in work. What did she do to her mother?

"She's ... She's gone, Clary. She's on the roads looking for you. She never accepted that the police stopped looking for you. Last time I heard about her she was in Wisconsin."

Clary fell on her knees at that piece of information. _Wisconsin_. She felt tears roll down her cheeks, but forgotten was all the calm that she had managed to conjure. She felt overwhelmed by her emotions as her brother took her in his arms in a soothing and reassuring way. And when the sky blurted with the deafening noise of thunder, Clary told her brother:

"I was there Jon! Just yesterday night I was there. I could have brought her with me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Clary. Wisconsin is four states away. You couldn't have been there _just yesterday night_." Jon said matter-of-factly as he gently wiped away the tears on his sister's face.

Clary sniffed and looked at her brother, shocked by what he just said. She had forgotten for a second how abnormal she was. She weakly got up and passed a hand on her face before deciding that the best way to explain to Jon what was happening to her was to show him, so she walked to the kitchen, her brother short on her heels.

As soon as she was in the room, she grabbed the first knife she encountered and determinedly plunged it in her stomach as Jon cried out. She retrieved it as her brother was already taking a cloth to put pressure on her wound, but when he was about to apply it on her stomach, the wound was gone.

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**~.o.O.o.~**

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**Another chapter. I hope you liked it. Sorry for the long wait, I was sick those past few days, this is my ghost writing to you.**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.**


	3. Chapter 2: Jon & Jace

**Go check my profile to know why the update took so long.**

**~.o.O.o.~**

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Clary looked at her brother staring at her untouched stomach with disbelief. She started trembling as she could hear his heart beat at an abnormal rate, and she felt her eyes burns with tears. This was why she shouldn't have come back home. Because her family could hurt her in a way no one else could: by rejecting her. She shakily raised her hand to touch her brother's arm, but Jon made a slight movement of retreat.

"Jon, _please_." Clary pleaded, doing her best to contain her tears and to not let her voice waver. "Don't freak out. _Please_. It's still me."

"How do you want me _not_ to freak out?! You just stabbed yourself with a _knife_!" Jon cried out, and Clary closed her eyes to keep her tears in. She could feel the Earth grumble below her and the thunderstruck amplify outside, but at this moment, she couldn't care less. She just wanted to be Jon's little sister again, the one for whom he would do anything just to make her smile.

"Jon, it's still _me_! _I'm_ still me."

"Your blood is still on the freaking knife!"

"_Please, Jon_." Clary pleaded before bursting in tears, letting out all her emotions. The clouds outside exploded with her, pouring out the rain that they held for so long, and Clary cried even louder as she heard the rain fall down on the tiles of their house.

"Don't cry." Jon hastily said, taking Clary in his arms and rocking her to calm his little sister. "Just give me time to down the fact that you're freaking Wolverine, now."

Clary hiccuped against his chest and let Jon shush her down as he gently stroke her hair. They both waited for Clary to breath again normally, and they both lifted their chins as they heard the tyres of a car pulling in the driveway.

"You _can't_ tell Dad." Jon said with anxiety. "He'll freak."

"But how_"

"Just … go to your room and I'll tell him that you were tired. We'll figure something out." Jon looked down at his sister and he weakly smiled to her before he added: "You should sleep anyway, you look like you're about to pass out."

Clary nodded, and she went upstairs, reaching her room as she heard the front door being slammed open. She opened, herself, the door of what used to be her room, and as she did so, Clary felt a cold chill go down her spine, which made her swiftly close back the door. She stared at it for a moment before she walked to Jon's room and slumped on his bed before she drifted into a heavy sleep.

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**~.o.O.o.~**

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"You let her escape!" Hodge screamed, all the while waving off the table a pile of papers and vials. Jace stared at the mess Hodge just created, all the while feeling his own anger build up against the old man.

"I didn't! She must have figured out a way out on her own!"

"She _couldn't_ have!" Hodge angrily replied, taking a paper full of inscriptions and shoving it in Jace's face with temper. "We made sure of it!"

Jace pushed Hodge's hand off his face and he quickly glanced at the tinted window where he knew Stephan Herondale was watching. Hodge kept on ranting as Jace looked back at the working table where she wasn't anymore, and suddenly, Hodge slammed his hand on the table, at the exact same spot where her head used to be everyday as he screamed at Jace:

"You made us lose _five years of research_!"

"I will bring her back." Jace calmly and assuredly said, his eyes never leaving the table. He looked at the table, wires hanging on both side of it and the memory of her lingering on the table that brought her so many pains. She cried so much on this table. At least, at first she did, but at some point she stopped the screams and the tears, and she just blankly endured what they did to her.

"She's untouchable, now!" Hodge yelled, letting all his anger on Jace. "No one can control her, not even herself, so how do you expect to bring her back?"

"She trusts me." Jace simply stated, knowing perfectly that it was a lie.

"Not anymore. If she did, she would have taken you with her, and we wouldn't be in this mess!"

Jace was about to retort when the exit door opened and revealed Stephan Herondale. Hodge and Jace both looked at each other with hate and anger before they turned their heads to Stephan and waited for him to talk.

Stephan silently and imposingly walked to the centre of the room and let his fingers fly on the table. He took a wire between his fingers, his eyes analysing the mess of the room. Then he bent down and took a random paper from the floor to read through it.

"Care to explain what happened?" He asked, not looking any of the two men, but still waiting fir an answer.

"Let me go get her." Jace pleaded. "I know her. I know how she thinks and what will want to do. Let me go get her."

Hodge was about to retort something when Stephan held his hand out and said:

"Let him." Then his eyes went steady on Jace to make him understand the weight of his words: "Either he will bring her back, either he will die trying."

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**~.o.O.o.~**

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**Hi hi, you thought for a second that I forgot about this story. Well I didn't. And Jace is in the place. What do you think of him? And Jon? And Clary? Well, actually, what do you think of this chapter, very plot releasing I think. **

**There's no say on how long this story will be, not that I don't know how it will finish, but just because I'm not good at evaluating the chapters. **

**well, tell me what you thought, and yeah, that would be cool. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.**


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